No one teaches us how to be in a romantic relationship. We may have had parents, guardians, or family members that were coupled up during our childhood, but there are not many lessons that come with that environment, just observations and conditioning. There is no education on how to be in a relationship at a young age — the lessons eventually come from within as you grow and experience more of life. Something else to consider is that every opinion about relationships is per individual. Every person is going to experience life differently, therefore, making every relationship unique. Kind of like a snowflake. No one is the same. Each partner is going to learn differently and at their own pace. Not one person has it ‘figured’ out because Love is not meant to be understood — it is meant to be experienced.
Here is my story and narration. My parents divorced when I was 5 and I have no memory of them together as a couple, romantic, intimate, or in love. My father never remarried and claimed he was done dating, though had many friends that were women (who he very strictly kept friends and never brought home). I don’t have any memory of seeing my father in love with another women. My mother has had a few relationships since and it wasn’t until I was in college, where I was experiencing men intimately for the first time myself, before I saw my mother in-love. But then that guy ended up cheating on her after 5 years and what I had perceived as true love was actually deceit, harm, and a huge fucking ego. I may not have seen my parents in a romantic relationship but I have seen them as friends. Since their divorce they have been cordial, respectful, and friendly. I am twenty-seven now which means for twenty-two years I have had the opportunity to see and feel peace between my parents. Talk about lucky, right? I truly feel grateful as this is not the common way for exes to exist. But my point being, I did not learn how to be in a relationship via my parents. I learned from my experiences, my patterns, and my choices.
No one person has got romance and love ‘figured’ out. It takes days, weeks, months, and years of experience to begin learning from a lover or lovers. It doesn’t matter how many relationships you have been in either. You could have a different lover each year or one life-long partner. The secret component to growth is awareness. Even more simply put: it is a choice. You can choose to build your awareness or stay oblivious. You can choose to recognize a behavioral pattern or keep faulting back to it. You can choose to blame or take responsibility for your actions. You can choose to stay put during a hardship or to run (I have always been a runner). Growth is a choice. It doesn’t just magically happen. The folks that are conscious in their relationship grow tremendously. Now, sometimes we grow with our partner and sometimes we choose to grow separately. No one path is right or wrong. This is where heightening your awareness is so important. The more connected you can get with your Self, the more answers you will be provided. And guess where these magical answers comes from? Within you. You are your own source for wisdom. Take a moment to sit with that idea.
Don’t get me wrong: friends, family, books, blogs, travel, yoga, and exercise can certainly all be helpful and I highly reccommend all means of support when necessary. But my point being: the choice is yours when you want to grow from within. Whether that is in your current romantic relationship, reflecting on your past romantic relationships, or manifesting your next romantic relationship. The more you can connect with your Self, the more your inner wisdom will shine. The more awareness you cultivate, the more that your Love will lead the way.
So my dearest reader, be gentle with your Self as you navigate growth. Whether you are craving it, in the midst of it, or running from it. Be gentle. You were never taught how to navigate the emotional seas of this lifetime. You were tossed into the chaos like the rest of us and now it is up to you to learn and to grow. Each day will bring new insights and thoughts and lessons, should you choose to see them. Be gentle. Keep breathing. Feel more. Connect deeper. Stay patient. The answers are on the way.