I would like to start off by saying that this and everything else that I write is from my point of view. Every minute of my life has led up to this exact moment which makes everything I am about to say valid for ME and not necessarily for you, the reader. This does not mean we cannot relate, right? So read on.
Yesterday morning I woke up at 6AM to a less-than-ideal text message from the person who was meant to watch my child for the next 12-hours while I worked. Fortunately (see my choice of word there), this has happened so many times in the last two and a half years that I now react very logically in these types of circumstances. I had three trust-worthy, reliable human beings offer to watch my daughter in a 12-hour span and everything ended up working out. After work I was on the phone with my man who said something empathetic like, “Not having dependability must be so challenging as a working single mom.” What a guy, right?
Dependability: This is something that I don’t have much of in my life. I can count the number of people on one hand that I can rely on 24-hours a day. I feel really grateful about that actually. But, there is something to be said about dependability. Depending on someone creates comfort and feeling comfortable is really nice. From a single mothers’ perspective, dependability seems to come from another adult that you live and share your life with. Someone who is physically always there when life throws you off your path.
Dependability = Partnership = Comfort
As humans we seek comfort; We seek to create the safest lifestyle there is. We find someone that we love and feel comfortable around, we secure that person in our life forever by banding their fourth finger and signing a few documents, we buy big material assets together with a shared last name, and then we choose a job that has a stable salary so we are comfortable living our day-to-day life. I’m not pointing any fingers, I am sharing as it is observed. You are not wrong for living this way. I believe it is quite natural to seek safety and comfort as this is truly the only thing you can “control” in your life.
But, and there is always a but with me.
But what if we were not meant to feel safe all day, every day? What if fear, instability, and lack of control was a part of the human experience that we need not fight but instead embrace? What if depending on one person for the majority of your life took away from your self-growth?
When all is said and done, I’m not sure I even want the dependability that comes from a spouse. If life went smooth these last two and a half years, I likely wouldn’t have grown. I likely wouldn’t be as experienced and wise as I am now.
Thank you to anyone who has ever thrown me off my safe and controlled path: You have been an outstanding teacher. An even bigger thank you to those who have showed up for my daughter and I during the chaotic times: You have kept us safe.